The species ‘Nagpur Party Animal!’ (NPA), has long fascinated Zoologists, for their obsession to party hard almost every night!
Visitors from New York, London, Paris etc have spent a week in Nagpur and gone back exhausted and burnt-out from excessive partying, saying their lives and livers couldn’t take anymore! But the NPA is a tough, resilient species, genetically equipped with cast iron livers, they can endure night after night of ‘boogying’!
So, This researcher’s help was sought to do an in-depth study of them and their partying habits.
A few key scientific observations:
Observed, that the NPAs use a system called STD or ‘Save the Date’ to invite other NPAs, to ensure that all flock to this party and don’t go off to another. It consists of a WhatsApp with a cute visual and date, It is later followed up by phone calls, in which in a sexist tradition, the host husband will call all the male guests while the host wife will phone all the female guests! If however, two NPAs send out STDs for the same date, a bitter battle may pursue..where neither side will retreat and all the poor NPAs would be forced to choose loyalties.
Observed, that while the NPAs have fancy cars and expensive phones, they must have very cheap watches, For no one ever arrives on the time given by the host! It is believed that very often many NPAs are dressed and ready, but will watch TV or even take a nap, But will come purposefully late by one to two hours, as they believe that the later you arrive at a party, the more fashionable and hip you are considered! Many times the host’s watches also malfunction and they themselves come hours late, even after some guests have arrived.
Observed, that the NPA females will spend hours dolling up in front of the mirror and at the hairdressers, but if a male NPA compliments them and tells them they are looking nice, they look shocked and gasp…“Really!!?
The female NPA is famed for being very ‘well turned out’ in the latest fashion and labels and have all the accessories needed for social warfare, including LV bags, red-bottomed shoes and original G.Khannas, But they seem to dress only to outdo other women! If they want to dress for men, they need only to put on jeans and tight T-shirts!
Observed, that loud Bollywood music blares from speakers from the start of the party! This it is suspected is done purposely to kill any attempts at conversation! The NPAs meet so often that they have long run out of anything to say to each other, and so only need to shout “Hi“ over the loud music, air kiss and hug, before going on to repeat the same exercise with the 60-80 others at the party.
Observed, that if there is any conversation at all possible, the women will discuss like, “Oohh looking hot baby!, Dress kahan se li ?”, While the men will limit theirs to “Boss kya catch pakra Surya Kumar Yadav ne, maza aagaya“
Observed, that if the Barman from the Cocktail Mixing company, doesn’t know your drink, then you are a social nobody! However, if he recognises you and says “Good evening M’am, same as usual? Tequila 1800 Anejo, with ice and orange slice in an absurdly oversized glass?”…Then you have arrived!
Observed, that about two hours into the party the NPA’s will take to the dance floor to now even louder music, the NPA females will dance sexily on the floor with each other, while the males will rush outside to ‘light up’. Later a few of the more popular males will venture onto the floor and some of them will try antics like climbing onto a table or balancing a glass of whiskey on their foreheads, to universal admiration and amusement.
Observed that there is a belief in the species that the later a party drags on the more of a success it is! So one that closes shop at 3 a.m. is considered a huge hit! While one that is dragged on till 5 a.m. is a super-duper hit! However, a party that is fun and enjoyable, but finishes at 1 a.m. is considered a disaster, and may lead to the hostess going into depression or having a nervous breakdown!
But an overall synopsis is that the NPA is a glamorous, fun-loving and loveable lot! And one hopes they never face any danger of extinction or lose their boundless enthusiasm to ‘Boogey’!!
As for now, this researcher is going back to the bar for another drink. And If the barman humiliates me by asking “Sir, What is your drink?”, I will smash a bottle of Tequila 1800 Anejo on his head!
#bits of beauty everywhere ( #BOBE)