Kirti Kulhari has at last experienced self-love. According to the actor, it’s wholesome, reassuring, and has given her the biggest grin. “I have sought approval and love from outside sources my entire life.
I have discovered it in myself for the first time. In her more than ten years in the business, Kirti has balanced working on features, shorts, and her OTT series, but it is her enduring programme, Prime Video’s Four More Shots Please!, that has been essential to her development.
When compared to Kirti’s personal life, a programme that seems to be about four upper class ladies living, losing, and loving takes on a deeper meaning: A woman approaching menopause, a marriage, a divorce, and the dramatic, major release.
Kirti discusses being at ease with herself, how her ex-husband Saahil Sehgal pushed her to find her space with her character in Four More Shots Please!, and how she handles inquiries about getting married again in an interview with indianexpress.com.
Does the fear of a new release still exist at this point in your career?
less than that. There is a lot of excitement all the time, but I consider myself to be pretty impartial. I don’t scream, “Oh my God, this happened!” even if I land a wonderful project.
It important to me that I feel good. Even though I feel somewhat detached, I also get a nice, cheerful feeling that tells me I’m on the right track.
But why don’t you bounce around?
I carry it out! But throughout the years, I’ve simply developed into this guy. I’m not overly impacted by things going well or poorly.
I’ve accomplished a lot by being in this calm environment. not to go high with the highs or low with the lows.
It is a success if someone can take a step back and evaluate the good, terrible, and ugly objectively. I am a happy person, but I don’t always express my feelings clearly.
Have you always been like way?
I was not at all that person. I’ve lived my entire life as this incredibly sensitive person. I’ve been able to hold onto my sensitivity, but I’ve let go of the overly emotional person I once was.
It represents a general transformation in my life as a person. My professors have warned me to quit using my emotions as a motivator in the classroom because I used to be a highly emotional person.
I had no idea what they were getting at. I’ve discovered a technique to focus that. Although being emotional itself is not a problem, not knowing how to handle or express it can be.
I’ve learned to accept my feelings rather than repress them.
2018 saw you sign Four More Shots Please. What were you thinking at the time?
I considered myself to be a very professional actor. I was free to go above what was expected of me if my character demanded it. In 2016, I got married, and I must add that Saahil, my ex-husband, was a huge supporter of me.
He wasn’t the type of guy who, as is common in our business, would say, “No, you can’t kiss on-screen or have an intimate scene.” It seems very retrograde to me.
He actually provided me the assurance and encouragement I needed to play out the part. For it, I was very prepared. The four girls all viewed the sex scenes in quite distinctive ways.
Some people were more uneasy than others. Some people didn’t care. I was in a position where I felt at ease with it; I was entering with my eyes wide open.
For me personally and as an actor, that was a moment of empowerment.
My on-screen sex sequences have undoubtedly decreased over the past three to four years, from then to now, but the truth is that I now view our obsession with sex as something that is essentially normal.
It’s not that big of a deal anymore. It doesn’t surprise or excite me to think about it. Regression doesn’t exist; it just is. These adjustments are incredibly subliminal.
But today, I’ve made sex normal for myself, which is a great accomplishment for me since it would otherwise be viewed as such a big deal.
It is a highly glamorous show, the four girls had to look wonderful, and having great bodies was something I had never experienced before when I started with the first season.
I had a particular upbringing, so I was never at ease performing sex scenes. I didn’t know how to be seductive; I didn’t know how to be at ease around you or with who you are…
Because of my journey, it is now so natural for me to picture myself in season three and how I am otherwise in terms of my style quotient.
This is because I am more at ease with my body and my skin now. I am the sole owner of my body, whatever that may be. For me, it has been a truly wonderful adventure.
What notions have you altered your mind about?
the notion that you must have a certain body type and depend on a man to fulfil you. For me, this journey has also been incredibly weirdly beautiful.
I was married when I first started the show, but I’ve been divorced for more than a year. I’ve completed the circle.
I am grateful to Saahil for giving me the support I required at the time. People advise me to consider getting married once more, but I say “no.” If someone doesn’t want to get married, they don’t have to!
Do you continue to hear that?
“Beta, we worry about you,” my parents said to me as they were talking. What is your strategy? Guys, do you notice my face? I say.
Ever seen me truly happier, you ask? What matters more to you—your child’s happiness or getting married—have they been forced to consider by me? I feel as though I am at the most beautiful place I have ever been, in case you can’t see it.
I don’t require a man to validate my worth.
I’ve spent my entire life seeking approval and love outside of myself. I’ve discovered it in myself for the first time.
Do you believe I’ll let go of it and once more fall into the trap of doing what society expects of you? Four More Shots Pleaseseason !’s has been this self-love journey.
Similar music is featured in the programme for my character, Anjana, and it ends with the line, “I am enough.”
